I was running a leadership programme recently and at the end of the day found out that one of the attendees decided not to continue with the programme. Whatever the reason it got me worrying and taking it personally – is it me? Walking home it hit me how awful it must have been to be Peter Andre between his early career and his resurgence last year! I was first thinking that ‘celebrities’ must be incredibly thick-skinned – imagine regularly being told or reading that people don’t like your work! Let’s face it, not everyone can like you or what you do, but it’s hard to take. No matter how much you rationalise it, unless you have rhino-skin then it must have an impact.
Hence, Peter Andre. 10 years ago I thought I knew what I was doing. Now I’m not so sure and it’s troubling. This business requires a thick-skin and steady nerve. If we lose business we take it personally, if we feel that what we do is not having the impact we think it should we take it personally. Both are positives I think as it means we always strive to do the best we can, but it’s easy to see why Pete, bless him had his dark days! As it happens day two of the workshop went really, really well. They do love me after all…..
But it also got me thinking about the leadership aspects of this. During the programme we were talking about performance. Some of the group had people who were good, but thought they were outstanding. Others had people who were excellent, but thought they were nothing special. Both people have big blindspots as they view reality in a skewed way. We then got on to how to deal with these people. The person I mentioned above who left the programme had already been labelled as high potential and the “I’m too good for this programme” vibes were very strong. All very polite of course (except when you stand at the front looking at everyone’s face!). She may well be, but it really got me thinking about the dangers of telling people they are ‘stars’. Some of ‘em might start believing that all they need to do is show up and fame and fortune will follow. For me people with true high potential are constantly evaluating their performance and seeking to learn about themselves. In jargon terms this is learning agility and the best performers have the ability (and desire) to extract learning from every situation. Viewing things as beneath you is not learning agility.
Conclusions? For those who think they are the best thing since sliced bread – tell them they’re not, but give them clear feedback why. For those who think themselves useless? Tell them they’re not, but give them clear feedback why. Spot the pattern??
Sounds simple, so why don’t we do it? We don’t want Pete crying on us (again), that’s why? So, deliver the message honestly and sensitively, base it on fact and think about the person you are dealing with – do they need building up or a poke in the eye? But whatever you do don’t cop out
On the other hand many leaders don’t seek feedback themselves. I personally like to improve my self-awareness, but many times on workshops I see leaders not spending time on examining their feedback. So, if you want to develop as a leader have the guts to give people regular, honest feedback and also ask them for feedback about you. You might be surprised what you might learn.
Paul Everitt
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