5-a-side leadership

I’ve been playing football now for many years. Despite deciding to retire as I approached 39, next week still might be my last game, as I approach 41. We only play 5,6,7 a-side and I do it for the exercise. To paraphrase The Full Monty I ‘might not be right good, but I’m ‘ere’ and I always put in 100%. Clothed. The reason I still do it is mainly because I enjoy it. At least I did until I started playing for a local group of ‘dads’ a few months ago. Tonight was going to be my last game for a number of reasons, but the main one is why I’m sat writing this, whilst still cooling down – in all senses of the word.

I’m currently running a series of workshops called “Coaching for Performance” for a client and one of the main pieces of learning is that positive reinforcement is much more powerful than negative in encouraging the behaviour you want. I refer to experiments on pigeons during the workshop where you can quickly make them turn in continuous circles simply by giving them food every time they turn in a certain direction. Those of you with kids do the same thing with the ‘star chart’. (I think it’s funny when our kids walk round in circles, but we do keep having to explain the reason why to the teachers). What we do is define the piece of behaviour we want to reinforce and give the kids a star on the chart every time they do it. It works. Of course there is also a place for a good telling off (good for stress relief) when unacceptable behaviour occurs, but praise will always generate longer lasting effects. I had an example of how criticism can sap the life out of you during a recent Coaching for Performance workshop. I put up a statement – ‘as a manager you get the people you deserve’. The intention was to provoke a bit of thought and I hope you kind of see where I am coming from. However, we spent several minutes ‘discussion’ when one of the workshop attendees asked “how do you define ‘deserve’?”. OMG. Imagine working for this person? Imagine trying to discuss a new idea? Imagine querying the way things are done? Imagine presenting a piece of work where you had not defined ‘deserve’!

And that’s what makes the difference for me at football. I enjoy it on a Wednesday as our main aim is to have a good game, but a good game is defined by everyone contributing equally and there being a bit of banter. If someone makes a mistake then they get awarded ‘taxi of the match’ and there is as much kudos attached to that as ‘man of the match’.  Most weeks, every one gets something of the match, I usually get ‘crunch of the match’. The other week we even invented a new category, although it escapes me for now. Ironically it’s the Mondy ‘dads’ (as most of the players on Wednesday are too young for kids!) who need to revisit their ‘star chart’ thinking as tonight was a classic example of how it is possible to win, but not enjoy the game. Some examples. A lot of these are subtle, but are unbelievably annoying and, of more relevance, don’t get the best out of me, and that’s where, as an average performing team player I’m heading with this.

1.     the ‘do as I say’ routine

Another thing I espouse on our Coaching for Performance workshop is that ‘no-one likes being told what to do’.  Maybe it’s just me (I hate being told what to do), but when you are running, or working your behind off the last thing you want is people stood there giving orders. Especially when you set out on a course of action and you receive an instruction to the contrary. It generally makes me want to stand still. Made more annoying when combined with….

2.     the ‘lead from the back’ routine

This is a subtly different approach to the do as I say. It still involves a bit of giving orders, but is made worse by the perpetrator standing still and not putting the effort in they are criticising others for – “come on (insert name), make sure you get the ball!”.

3.     the ‘exhale of breath’ routine

Again another subtle one, but usually deployed when someone misses a chance or makes a mistake. Subtly communicates that the person who made the mistake is useless and, of course, the breath exhaler would have succeeded.  If only they weren’t bringing up the rear issuing instructions…..

4.     the ‘out and out criticism’ routine

Eventually they get frustrated and exhaling turns into blatant criticism. “Come on (insert name), you’re better than that!” springs to mind. Of course if the individual was putting as much effort in as everyone else then they wouldn’t have as much breath to exhale or waste on criticism and they might actually understand that it’s a lot easier to gripe when just being an onlooker.

5.     the all out row

This is normally the last resort and usually happens after all of the above have not had ‘the desired effect’.  It can be initiated by either the one doing the criticising or the one on the receiving end (criticisee?). At this point the team falls apart completely, the irony being that whilst the row is going on the rest of the team lose focus and the whole team suffers. The other team just laugh.

So, what can we learn? I reckon there’s stuff for teams to reflect on in addition to individual leaders. Teams work as one and support each other. Criticism breaks down the team, simple as that. Every member of a high performing team can display leadership, regardless of title. So, whether you are part of a team or lead a team….

1.     Hold every team member as equal to all the rest. If you don’t then either get out of the team yourself or remove the team members you can’t hold as equal. If you don’t then your lack of respect will manifest itself in one of the ways I’ve already outlined.

2.     Assuming you have the right team, let them get on with it. Don’t tell them what to do all the time. As soon as you start issuing instructions for every small task the team will quickly learn to wait for you to tell them what to do. This will frustrate you – if you find yourself saying “I wish my team would display more initiative!” then you are guilty of this.

3.     Encourage, don’t criticise. People respond to praise. It makes them feel that a) you’ve noticed their efforts and b) they’re contributing to the team. Even if you have team members who perform less well than others, praise every small thing they do. Like the pigeon they will do more of what they get rewarded for and it will build their confidence. Criticise though and you will breed resentment. Criticise whilst not putting the effort in and you will lose respect quicker than an Egyptian politician.

This might all sound simplistic and idealistic, but I have one last football example. A few weeks ago I was part of a team who were by far the weaker team on paper. What we did have was strong team spirit and we went for it. The other team of ‘superstars’ didn’t put the effort in, they got complacent. We scored the first goal, and then another. They got frustrated. We encouraged each other every single time someone did something positive.

We won.