Is politeness getting in the way of productivity – how to say ‘No’ to time wasters

Everyone keeps telling us they are really busy. Whenever we interact with managers on workshops they are snowed under. They really value the time away from the office taking stock, but that’s a different story. When we meet with clients, or try to arrange meetings with prospective clients, finding time to meet is getting more and more difficult. I had two meetings this week which make me question this though...

The other day, we had a meeting arranged with a prospective client. We’d met with them before, got along really well and had a really open, exploratory discussion. This meeting was a bit of a follow-up, but was intended to get into more specifics. After 40 minutes of pulling teeth I was exposed to my own interviewer’s trick I use when I’ve had enough of the interviewee. It goes something like this - “So any more questions you’d like to ask me?!”. What the  body language and intonation really mean is “No. Good. Then bugger off!”. The person I was meeting with clearly didn’t want to share anything, learn from what we had to say or explore options. Waste of time and train fare.

Today, I’ve literally just got back from a meeting we had arranged with another prospective client. An hour’s drive away. Nice place, sat down to play with the iPad (which is all you can do with an iPad no matter what anyone tells you!), ordered a coffee. Lady approaches, here we go. “Are you Paul?” I’m so and so”. Great, and? “The person you were going to meet is.....on holiday”. Great. Thanks. She’ll call us when she’s back? Great, I’ll hold my breath then shall I?

Got me thinking, as I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently about this issue of people being too busy. I’m convinced it’s not that people are too busy, but they are choosing to work on too much stuff at once. These two situations  also make me wonder if we are just too polite, or lack the courage to decline meetings we don’t see the value in. If we are that busy, why commit to meetings we have no intention of getting any value out of! If the two people I’ve mentioned above had just declined the meeting invite it would have saved everyone a load of time to get on with all of the million and one things we supposedly have on! Including the lady who was so busy she was on holiday. And I ask you, which is ruder, saying no in the first place, or making someone else waste their time in addition to yours?

So, easy tips on how to say ‘no’:

1. Just say it. Go on, practice. “I’m sorry, no”. However, do also....
2. Provide reasons - this shows we have thought about our response and people will find it easier to accept if they can see a rational reason
3. Empathise - state that you acknowledge their position and recognise its importance to them. This signals that our ‘no’ is considered so we are refusing the request not rejecting the person
4. Provide alternatives - this demonstrates we do want to help, we’re just not able to at the moment. It generates actions which may still be helpful

Here’s an example:
‘I’m sorry, I’m going to say no to a meeting rather than waste your time. Things are really busy at the moment, I’m being tasked with other stuff and not able to treat development as a priority. I’d be happy to learn more about what you do if you want to send us some information and I anticipate things freeing up in 3 months’ time so you could make contact again then’.